In middle school, after PE, as I was walking to the lockerroom these boys shouted at me “Hey you got a booty do… Your stomach stick out more than your booty do.”
In high school boys didn’t even talk to me. I had boyfriends, none stayed for more than a month.
Now in college, I guess I’ve become pretty. Boys talk to me, they invite me places and… they want to sleep with me. Because I’ve been so deprived of the opposite sex’s attention all my life, I’m not sure how to react. When their hands slide up my leg, rub my back, and caress my stomach I’m not sure what to do. I tense up, I pull my physical being into a knot and pretend like nothing is happening. Don’t get me wrong, I like it sometimes… So I guess that makes it okay every time they lure me in under false pretenses of a potential relationship just to put their cold hands on my boobs.
I don’t know how to say no either. In fear that they will stop paying me this “positive” attention that I’ve been craving all my life.
I had to fight off a guy last night because he wouldn’t stop touching me, and that made me the bitch. I had to pretend to sip the drink he kept shoving in my face, otherwise I’d be the killjoy. I had to run from room to room, just because the chase was easier to deal with than his arm around my neck.
Boys think I’m pretty now, isn’t this what I’ve always wanted, to be touched in front of everyone at a party? Shouldn’t I be happy that they want to get me drunk and fuck me in my dorm room? I spent all my life crying and sad because boys paid me no mind… shouldn’t I be overjoyed that they look into my boobs and not my eyes?
They give out condoms on my campus that say “If you are drunk you can NOT give consent.” If thats so, I’ve never once given consent…
"The Pretty Girl?" by Ryen Owens