The Music Never Ends...

Everytime someone is mad I automatically think theyre mad at me and it messes with my Anxiety Dx

What if every thought you had you’re AU self said out loud and vise-versa
And thats why sometimes you say something so quickly that you didn’t think about it/ didn’t mean to say it

I want to be skinny so when I do dumb things people laugh and think its cute instead of me being a big jar of glub jiggling around like a fucking moron

My uncle is paying me $200 too watch his kids for the weekend and although im happy Im a little scared cause although these are my cousins I dont know them well and they arent babies I only know how to take care of babies!!!

Holy shit

Im doing this diet thing where i snack on fruit and eat whatever for lunch but i dont eat after 5pm and i down water like a champ and exercise to two episodes of Dance Moms and seriously im losing weight already!! :D

My parents tell me i need to stand up for myself but everytime i try to they step in then get mad at me!
I believe in being civil yet firm because that gets respect.
When you yell they only fear you. There was no need for animosity so i showed none. Im not sorry i didnt yell at them
Let me stick up for myself my way goddamn it! Give me a fucking chance

My little brother made fun of my weight again today
No one stopped him
Or made him apologise
I thought i was doing good with
My weight loss
Aparently not
I never want to eat again
I feel sick
Why cant fat spill
As easy as blood?

I’m saving up for a tattoo! On top of the cuts on my leg its gonna say “GAME OVER” Its gonna hurt hella bad but its the last bit of self inflicted pain I’ll put on that leg!

Its just, Fall Out Boy was my gateway drug to the wonderful world of rock music and them being back or seeing them in concert would make my life

My mom doesn’t understand i have really bad panic attacks. She really doesn’t believe me when i say it gets hard to breathe and my heart beats so fast i feel sick. She thinks I’m faking, but my last one was so bad i literally felt like i was going to die. Maybe i have to die for her to believe me…

While watching home videos i think i pinpointed the moment when my self esteem went to hell… i was 10

My little brothers are gonna eat us out of house and home
But no matter what, my mom will swear on my life that I’m the problem


I don’t wanna sound selfish but I’m a little upset by this. My mom treats my little brothers way better than she treats me. Examples
Mine: $40 and left to Arizona to watch my brothers play football.
Theirs: $69 heads phones, and a new tv monitor, and she’s throwing a fit because she has to take my older sister back to college on their birthday. No fit thrown on mine.
Me: Dishes, clean the kitchen, cook, go to work, and get yelled at if i don’t do the dishes or cook after im home at 11pm from work on a school night.
Them: eat all the food in the house, play video games, get me yelled at if i ask them to take out the damn trash
Mine: Be an hour late, and leave right after i perform. Get yelled at if i get mad.
Them: Arrive two hours early, if not we are late, watch the entire thing and talk about it all the way home.

I’m not even exaggerating this is how things go in my that my older sister is in college Im a fucking nothing compared to my little brothers and sister.

Im thinking about trying out for x factor but omg i have terrible stage fright and anxiety and a severe lack of self confidence.
But everyone tells me i have a nice voice so I’m conflicted…

Its still sinking in to me that I am no longer a virgin.
Like am I supposed to feel different?
Do I sprout wings?